Love is Pain, Love is Bliss
by katelyync
Summary: When Mare finds herself returning back to the castle where Cal rules as King, she finds a completely different world and environment surrounding her. From Cal's new mysterious fiancé to Maven's increased obsessions with her, she must find clarity amongst so much darkness. But, the most difficult question she must face, is to find her way back to the one she's destined to be with.
1. Feelings

**(A/N)** Hey guys! Just to let you know this is a new fanfic I'm starting! I have been pretty absent here as I took a break from this account. I had to focus on myself and other things before I could come back. I know its been a while, but I'm starting new. This is mostly about Mare and Cal and basically my own adaptation of War Storm. I did not really enjoy how Victoria Aveyard ended the series. It felt unfinished to me. So, I decided to write this. Hope you all enjoy! I'll be aiming for a new update tomorrow!

Love you guys! -

Katelyn 3

**Chapter 1 - Too Little Too Late**

_**Mare POV:**_

I stood on our terrace that connected to Cal's room. Or actually I should say _our_ room. Sometimes I forgot what had happened just 3 months ago. I chose Cal. I chose the throne. I wanted him. But I couldn't stop thinking about what was on my mind. What I left behind when I chose him. What I could be doing now if it wasn't for my choice. I could hear Cal stirring in his bed, which meant that I had woken him up. The doors behind me opened and The cold air around me was replaced by a warm and welcoming feeling. Familiar hands wrapped around my waist and I felt his head on my shoulder.

"Why are you awake? It's 3am" Cal asked, kissing me gently on my shoulder.

"I'm just thinking"

"About?"

"About how lucky I am that I got you" I teased, slowly turning around to face him. I smiled but I knew it didn't reach my eyes

His warm eyes found mine in the moonlight and stared intently waiting for me to say more.

"And about how Maven is still out there. He is still out there and I am here. I am suffocating in the feeling that you and I are doing nothing to figure out this situation." I let go of a long deep breath.

He sighed, as he removed his hands off of me and pulled his hair in frustration.

"And it always comes back to this… Of course."

"Cal, we can never forget the fact that he is out there in god knows where! He could be right outside the castle! And I know that we could be doing more or rather I could be doing more to help this situation!"

"And I find it strange that whenever you tell me that you chose me or you love me you always start to bring it back to Maven or that you are being suffocated by the crown and me"

"What?" I said, shocked.

"You heard me"

"No I didn't. Say it again."

He rolled his eyes as he said forcefully, "Just admit it. You regret choosing me and the crown. You said you "can't breathe", and a small part of me can't help but admit that you do not have the ability to love or be loved. Some broken part of you still loves Maven and not me."

I backed away from him towards the door to his room. I couldn't believe he just said that.

"Well I'm sorry that while you were too busy ignoring me a while back, Maven actually treated me like a decent human being! He may have chained me with silent stone but I have never felt more chained by you and this crown!" I knew I shouldn't have said that last sentence but I just had to let it out. This is what 3 months of anger produced.

"There! You said it. You think you made the wrong choice and now your saying that Maven treated you better than did!" I tried not to look at him but I could see that his eyes flashed with hurt.

The air around me was getting warmer and I could tell that he was trying to control his anger and ability, but it wasn't working. Just like I could feel the lightning pulsing inside of me.

"Maybe you should go back ruling by yourself, Cal. You and the crown. At least it wants you." And with that I looked at Cal's expression. Broken. His face devastated at what I just said.

"Just go, Mare", he said quietly. He looked down and sat on one of the chairs on the terrace. "Just go."

And I did just that. I was done. I needed to be away. At least for a little while. I left the terrace and his room. Before I shut the door I quietly said, "We're over Cal."

I was thinking about all sorts of thoughts before going back to my old room to pack my things. I wanted out.

_**Cal POV: **_

Mare left. She actually left. She left me. And broke my heart with it. She basically confirmed everything that was my worst fears. I put my head in my hands. I was not going to cry. Not over someone who didn't want me. I needed to get away. Away from the presence of her, this room, this castle, my whole life. I knew what I needed to do. I dragged my feet to my door. I opened it and asked my guards standing outside a request.

"Derrick, can you please ask a maid to deliver 2- no probably going to need 3 bottles of vodka. Strongest we have"

He looked at me with a concerning look but didn't ask any questions.

I closed my door back up and sat at my desk waiting. Pulling open the drawer, I took something out that was my secret. Opening the small simple box revealed the most expensive item I had ever spent money one. It was supposed to be Mare's. A deep ache filled my chest knowing that she was gone and that she hated me. The ring was a silver band that held a two simple jewels at the top. One was red and the other, clear. They represented our birth months. Ruby for me, July. Diamond to represent April for Mare.

The knock at the door awoke me from my thoughts as I hastily placed the ring back in its drawer. A maid, Layla, I'm pretty sure her name is walks in holding my drinks. She approaches me and places them on my desk.

"Thanks", I say.

"I'm sorry your majesty but I couldn't help but overhear your voice yelling a while ago" she states.

"Oh, yeah", I'm sorry about that.

"You know, I can think of some ways to relieve the anger your feeling right now", she says in an almost seductive tone while I pour myself a shot and drink.

I can barely hear what she says as I down shot after shot until I have eventually finished a bottle. She slowly but surely moves her hands up and down my arms and thighs. The only piece of clothing I have on are my sweatpants. I don't know whether or not it's my pain or the fact that I'm drunk that's telling her not to stop.

Layla is no amateur at this. She swings her legs over me and straddles me on my chair. I slowly swallow my last drink and set the glass down. I feel her up and down and persuade myself that I want this. I need this. I lift her up easily. She reminds me of Mare. _Mare… _I wonder what she's doing right now. But then again, why should I care. She left me.

I walk over to my bed and throw Layla down before collapsing on top of her. I find her button up top, and start undoing it sloppily. She giggles and lets me. After rendering her topless she sits up and flips positions with me. Suddenly I'm on the bed and she's removing my sweatpants and boxers. I start to rethink what I'm doing until I decide that it's fine. I'm king after all.

We start to hit it off and I lift her off and under the sheets. I can tell that I'm drunk so I'm nowhere near concentrated or attracted to her for that matter. _All I need is some pain relief_, I convince myself. That's all it is, but it's hard to think when she starts to move her lips lower and lower….

_**Mare POV:**_

Once I arrive at my room I start piling all of my belongings. I don't even know where I'm going to go after this. All I need to know is that I need to leave. I walk into the walk-in closet which may as well be another room. I almost have second thoughts of leaving when I see all of the symbols of our memories. I try to ignore the pictures of us on the walls and just go to my drawers to pick out my clothes that I'm going to take with me. I slide open the drawer, and something falls out. It's a note. I hold my breath as I open it. Once I do I immediately recognize the fancy handwriting to be Cal's.

_Dear Mare,_

_If you are reading this, I am sorry. Tonight was supposed to be the night and I ruined it. It was supposed to be the night where I was going to profess my love for you and you would wrap your arms around me and I would kiss you knowing that you were mine forever. But that didn't happen. Not if you're reading this. I know that right now you are packing your things to leave me. So, I am placing this here hoping that it will change your mind. There is a ring, Mare. I am currently holding it in my hand as I write this. If after reading this you still decided to leave, I only have this left to say. I love you. You are my happiness. You are my home. If you don't feel the same I have to accept that. I will never be enough for you. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them. Not this. Not if you feel the same. I refuse to keep you as a prize, a pet even, as my brother did to you. If this is goodbye Mare, just know that I love you._

_Forever and always,_

_Cal_

The tears started pouring out of my eyes faster than I could realize. Cal really loved me. I may have said hurtful words. Words that could scar, but his letter awakened that part of my heart that would always be there. The space in my heart for Cal. No matter how much I tried I couldn't stay away from him. I loved him. He was my world.

Letter in hand, I ran as fast as I could out of my room and across the floor to Cal's room. I needed to apologize before it was too late. I saw Derrick and he took his arm out to try and stop me.

"I would advise against it, Miss"

I didn't listen and pushed him away from the door before opening it. I wasn't prepared for what I saw next.

Cal. Cal was in bed with someone. Someone who wasn't me. They were laughing and teasing each other. I couldn't help it. I felt the lighting in my hands and let out all of my anger as well as a scream. The only lamp that was open burst with a bright spark. Shocked, Cal and his partner yelled. But, his eyes found mine before I could look away.

"Mare-" his speech was slurred. Drunk as evident by the empty bottles of vodka on his desk. The girl next to him laughed. _Laughed._

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to leave. I made the wrong choice. He didn't really mean what he said in his letter. I wasn't the love of his life. Not if he did this. To me.

"Leave me alone, Cal!" I screamed at him. I finally remembered that I still clasped the letter in my hand. Ripping it into shreds, I threw in on the ground.

"Never, ever speak to me again!"

The last thing I heard before slamming the door on the two of them was Cal's voice.

"Don't leave me again", he said.


	2. Please Don't Go

**Chapter 2: Please don't go**

_**Cal POV:**_

I heard my door slam and the immediate cry of tears that I knew so well.

"Well thank god she's gone now", Layla said as she rolled her eyes.

"Get out." I said quietly.

"What?"

"I said get out!" I yelled. I could feel my skin getting hotter and hotter as my anger rose.

She quickly grabbed her clothes and scurried out of my room.

I slowly got up. Why did she come back? I thought she left me. For good. And now I ruined it again.

When I stood up off my bed I could feel the room spinning because of how much alcohol I had drank. Pulling on my sweatpants once again, I lit the room up in a familiar orange glow with the candles on my desk. It wasn't until then that I noticed the shreds of paper on the ground. Some pieces were damaged beyond repair, but I could still read a few words. I picked a larger piece up and read it. My heart sank. On it said, "I love you. You are my home" in my handwriting

"Shit" I cursed.

She found the letter. My letter professing that I loved her no matter what. I could just imagine her finding it, realizing how much I loved her, and then coming back and seeing me like this. I had to go after her. I couldn't let her leave me again.

I looked at the drawer of my desk and pulled the ring out and into the pocket of my pants. I knew what I was going to do. Running out of my room I cursed as I didn't realize which direction Mare had left.

"That way, your highness", Derrick said quietly.

"Thanks, you're a lifesaver"

I ran as fast as I could to make sure she didn't leave before I said what I needed to say. Almost tripping and collapsing off the stairs due to my intoxication, I found her at the doors of the castle preparing to leave.

"Mare!" I yelled

She didn't turn.

"MARE!"

She still didn't acknowledge me, but instead turned to open the doors.

I just couldn't let her do that.

Before I knew it, I had grabbed her hand. She flinched.

"What?", she scowled.

"What do you mean what?" I said, my speech slightly slurred. Suddenly everything felt so dizzy, and I almost collapsed.

"What do you want from me? I see the letter and think that I should change your mind, so I come back to talk to you, but it seems you've already moved on."

"Wait, no! Mare you have it all wrong!" I said desperately. Pleading almost. I grab both her hands and turned to block her from the door.

"Oh, so tell me. What have I gotten wrong?"

"I- I meant what I said on that letter!"

"Clearly you've moved on", she rolls her eyes.

That just makes me feel angrier at her. The fact that she just completely disregards my emotions.

"You left me!"

"And you told me to go"

My heart sank. She was right. I had told her to leave me.

"You tell me to leave, and then get drunk off of alcohol, and then have sex with someone. Forgive me if that doesn't warrant forgiveness for you on my end." She says coldly. "You hurt me Cal. Even after I chose you."

"You hurt me too, Mare! You can't deny that! You called me suffocating!"

She doesn't respond to that.

My drunken mind tells me to kiss her. So I do.

My lips land on hers and before I know it I'm pushed back forcefully.

"Don't." She says. "You want someone to kiss? How about the person you just slept with?"

"But I want you Mare." I say, a sad smile on my face. "I want you."

"She looks sadly at me. You already ruined your chance.

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

I take the ring out of my pocket and kneel down in front of her.

She scoffs. "Really, Cal? Even I didn't expect this move from you"

"Mare- Please. I love you, and I can't stand to be apart from you. Will you please just marry me?" I can tell that my speech is still not capable of passing as sober.

"No." she states.

"No?" I look down at the ground dejected, but with anger rising.

"Not like this." She tells me. "I have to go, Cal."

"Please- Don't leave me" I say, almost moved to tears. _Not again…_

She looks down at me almost as if she pities me. When she reaches for my hand I take it.

"Goodbye Cal" she whispers before pulling me into a hug.

This time she opens the door and I don't stop her. I just stand there, petrified.

"And for the record, you smell like cheap perfume", she adds before shutting the door on me and leaving me in complete and utter silence. To break it, I throw the ring across the room with such a force that it shatters. I don't regret it.

Dejected, I return to my room and take a shower. The heat calms me even at a scalding hot temperature. I wash off all the scent of Layla, and my deep binge of alcohol. After a year, I was finally alone. With no one by my side. The thought frightened me. I didn't know how to be alone.

Getting out of the shower, I pulled on my pants once again before closing the door to my room. I couldn't be in here tonight. Instead, I beckoned Derrick to follow me, which he did willingly to Mare's old room. The entire space was strewn with her belongings. Her pictures and her smell were also prominently present. I felt the urge to cry over my loss. Once Derrick positioned himself outside, I closed the door and collapsed onto her bed. Wrapping myself in her sheets, I felt the pang against my heart. The reality finally sunk in. She actually left. And there was no way she was coming back to me this time. With this thought in my head, I cried myself to sleep.

_**(A/N) Hey guys! Thanks for reading! This update came a little bit faster than I thought I would finish, but I felt really inspired to write, so I just kept on going! Please Review with your thoughts and tell me if you have any recommendations! Also, how deep I should go into intimacy, etc because I want to go with what you guys are comfortable with reading. **_

_**Love you all,**_

_**Katelyn**_


	3. Instant Regret

**Chapter 3 – Instant Regret**

_**1 year later:**_

**Mare POV:**

It had almost been one year since I left. Since I left my choice, Cal, and his proposal. Once I left the castle, I didn't know where to go. I had options, but in the end I chose Montfort. Davidson and Carmadon accepted me and gave me my own place to stay. It was a small but cozy cottage in the outskirts of the city where I still had plenty of room to train and practice using my ability.

Over the past 12 months I was starting to adapt and have my own routines as well. Every early morning, I would get up for a long jog. The cool Montfort air and crisp breeze made me more than content. Then I would train and spar with whoever was around. Usually Evangeline when she wasn't busy. People seemed to come and go nowadays. But, I was getting better about controlling my ability as the days went on. After training came breakfast. I typically chose something light and plain. Today, fruit and oatmeal. Then, came my free time to do whatever I wished, which usually meant more training, visiting Farley and Clara, or even hanging out with Evangeline and Elane talking about useless things. Finally, dinner with my family, and then sleep. Repeat. The same routine continuously.

I knew I was going to return to Norta one day, but I never thought it was going to be so soon and for this specific reason.

It was one of those days when Evangeline was arriving back from one of her "once every other week" trips from Norta as Cal had named her official ambassador to Montfort. I arrived at the base to greet her. When I arrived to Montfort, she slowly opened up to me. As ex-enemies you wouldn't expect us to get along with each other, but in her I had found a friend and companion.

"Hey Mare!" she yelled as she walked off the jet with open arms.

"Hey" I smirked receiving her embrace.

"So… missed me so much you just had to come back?"

"Haha Mare… You wish".

"I'm only here for a week so enjoy it while it lasts!" she smiled.

I shook my head and led the way. Together we walked side by side down the loose dirt pathway to my house. I unlocked the door to let her in and we both sat down on my small, yet comfortable couch.

"Drink?" I asked.

"Obviously!" she said, rolling her eyes as though she thought I was joking.

"What'll it be?" I teased, even though I knew exactly what she wanted. She always asked for the same drink.

"Come on Mare! You should know this by now! I'll have a tequila sunrise!" she said exasperated.

I laughed. These were moments where I appreciated Evangeline being a friend I could joke with and have fun with.

After I made her drink and got myself a glass of wine, I sat down next to her.

"So, why are you really here? Besides the fact that you obviously missed my company", I joked.

"First of all the second part is so not true and you know it. Second of all, I know you're not going to take this easy once I tell you why I'm actually here so just stay calm."

Now she had me worried. What was she going to tell me? Had someone died? My hands started shaking as I clutched my drink.

"Calm down Mare! No one died!"

"Ok then get to the point!" I said, relaxing a small bit.

She set both of our drinks down on the coffee table in front of us and grabbed both my hands.

"Cal-", She could see me flinch as she mentioned his name. Wounds still fresh from the last moment I had spent with him.

"Cal has asked me to travel here to Montfort and officially invite both you and your family to his wedding to Layla Skylar."

I almost barfed. Did she just say wedding? Amber? What the actual fuck was going on?!

I sat in silence trying to comprehend what I had just heard. Cal. _Tiberias_ _Calore_ was getting married. Getting married to someone who wasn't me. I scolded myself. _You left him remember? If you had wanted to be with him, you would have stayed. _

"Mare?" Evangeline asked tentatively. "Are you okay?"

"What? Oh yeah…"

"Did you even hear what I said?"

"Yea, Cal getting married, to Layla…"

"Oh, okay. Just don't yell at me when I tell you this but I kind of already said that you and I would go?"

"EVANGELINE!" I practically yelled. "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"Well I mean you've been stuck here for a while and you haven't been in Norta in a long time so I decided we could also have some fun together?" she explained nervously.

"Can I just make it clear that I have never liked you" I said half joking half serious.

"Note taken!" she chuckled.

**Cal POV:**

The warm air was a comfort as I approached the fourth mile of my jog. Easily passing the green trees and thick bushes, I lost myself in my thoughts. Tomorrow was the official mark of one year since Mare had left. That disastrous night when I attempted to propose to her and she left me instead. I still had the broken pieces of the ring that I was going to give her. It was still in its box tucked away in my night stand.

But, tomorrow was the celebratory night of Layla and I's engagement. I knew Mare was coming. Evangeline said that she would drag her here if that's what it would take. My head was telling her to not bring her, but my heart told me the opposite. So I listened to my heart.

I definitely loved Layla. After that night where I had yelled at her to get out of my room, she came back. She came back for me. Unlike Mare. She chose me even before I had chosen her. Slowly we got closer. I learned that she used to work in the factories until she got a job at the palace. She also had 3 sisters and 2 brothers to look after when her parents died from a mine explosion where they are working at. I loved her. But maybe not as much as I loved Mare. _Loved…_ Why did it always come back to her? She was out of my life. I had to focus on Layla and tomorrow night.

"Fuck!" I cursed, as I tripped over a fallen tree branch.

Falling on the ground and scraping my knee, I slowly got myself up.

"Better turn around then" I said to no one.

When I arrived back at the palace I ran upstairs to my room. Layla wasn't there. She was probably getting things ready for tomorrow. Taking a deep breath, I took to my bathroom to take a quick shower.

The scalding hot water was enough to relax my tense shoulders. I could finally relax with the prospect that soon I would be marrying the woman I loved. At least I hoped. Before closing my eyes and losing myself in the warm steam, I saw a fleeting image of Mare Barrow.

**(A/N)**

Wow! So here's the next chapter! Tomorrow I'll hopefully update with the engagement party which also happens to be the anniversary of when Mare left Cal. I won't always update once a day but I'll do my best!

Don't forget to review with your opinions!

Love you all,

Katelyn


	4. Welcome Back

**Chapter 4: Welcome Back**

**A/N -** Alright, just before we begin let me just clear some things up. I know I've been gone for a while and I don't really have an excuse other than my life has been pretty busy lately. Just as a recap, I've had to deal with finals, school, more tournaments, and I just went on a trip to Europe. While I was there I came up with so many new ideas that I'll sum up at the end of this. Enjoy!

**Mare POV:**

I couldn't believe that this is where I was taking the direction of my life to. Right back to same place where I told myself that I was going to be different; that I wasn't going to let anyone control myself or my feelings again. The only good thing to come out of this so far is that I convinced Evangeline that I would only go if I could bring one other person. I decided on Tyton. I wasn't going to bring Gisa or anyone in my family back to experience hell. But Tyton has been my best friend in Montfort. The fact is that I still have to go see _him_. And this is where fate decides to take me. Well, fate's a fucking bitch. I know it in me that this isn't the right thing to do. But somewhere else deep inside, I can't stop myself and I can't understand why. Why would I want to go back to the monster that had my heart and broke it in unrepairable shatters? Why am I feeling this need to return? I can't answer any of these questions and it makes my mind want to explode. But, if there's one thing I _can _focus on, it's getting this damn backpack to close.

"_Fuck"_ I whisper to myself. "What's the matter Barrow?" asks Evangeline sitting in the corner of my living room, reading the newspaper. "I can't get this stupid backpack to close" I tell her, frustrated as I try to tug the zipper.

"Maybe you're just nervous, Mare. You know… About seeing your ex?"

I can tell she's joking by her unsurprising humorous tone. Predictable even. But I can see the truth in her words. Nerves are definitely going to be present tonight. I watch her as she strides towards the kitchen to grab a glass where she fills it with her favorite red wine.

"You're going to use up my entire alcohol supply Evangeline", I say, shaking my head.

"Oh, but I know you Mare. With your connections, you could easily get some more in here." She replies slyly. "Especially when your special little Tyton is so high up in command."

"Shut up he's literally just my friend and nothing more" I say, rolling my eyes.

"Whatever you say Barrow"

"Well, Samos are you going to help me or not?"

She sighs as she puts down her glass of wine and comes over to inspect my backpack.

"See Mare, you're doing this all wrong. You need to roll your clothes if you want them to actually fit"

"And how would you know? I thought you have servants to pack up all your stuff for you" I remark.

"Well yes, but a girl's got to manage without other people helping her" she says jokingly.

I try to stop myself from laughing while I start taking out my clothes to roll them like she says.

"So… Are you nervous?" I look up to see Evangeline staring at me.

"About..?"

"Cal, obviously!" she shrugs.

"We don't speak of that name." I remind her. She gives me a look as If to say 'you're being ridiculous'

"Well, fine. Are you nervous about seeing Tiberias? I still don't know why you make me refer to him with that ridiculous name"

"Because he's not the person I used to know, Eve. He's someone completely different. And no. I am not nervous because I am only going because you are forcing me too. After its over I'm leaving for good", I lie. I can tell that she really doesn't believe me but she understands enough to drop it.

Once I finish rolling the clothes, Evangeline and I walk out to head to the plane where Tyton will be waiting for us.

The walk through the Montfort valley is beautiful to say the least. I love it. But, it's just not the same as home. Our walk continues in silence and I can't help but continue to think about my decisions. I know why he chose this day to celebrate. It's the day that we broke things off. Or more like _he_ broke it off. _Remember Mare, remember what he did to you_. Sometimes I find myself questioning where my life is going to bring me. But that's for another day. My only focus today, should be on not losing my mind.

The walk goes by fast considering I just force myself to listen to Evangeline ramble on about our itinerary and what's been happening at the castle. Neither interests me, which is why I get even more excited when I see who's waiting for us at the bottom of the ramp that leads to our plane. "Hey Tyton!" I smile. His familiar dyed white hair and small smile greet me when I see him.

"What's up Mare" he says as he gives me a hug. Overtime we've developed a close relationship because of our training and abilities. In my embrace I can hear Evangeline tapping her feet on the plane ramp impatiently waiting for us to hurry.

"Okay Eve we're coming even though we're literally on time" I tell her, rolling my eyes.

Traveling by plane isn't my favorite mode of transportation but I guess it's the only way for me to get to Norta. "_To see him_" my mind screams. But I try to shut those thoughts out. I just have to see.. I try to get buckled into my seat next to Tyton and Evangeline but the straps are difficult to work because I never used to have to do them myself. _He_ was always there to do them for me… But one though crosses my mind that I haven't even thought about yet. Who is this person that is getting married to him? Well really, the thought in my mind is who the fuck is Layla Skylar? The curiosity is enough to make me explode. But I guess only one person here actually knows.

"Evangeline who's Layla Skylar, you know, not that I care?" I say, cursing myself for even letting her see that I have some interest in the matter.

"Ooh curious are we" she says, as her eyes sparkle. "Let's see… From what I know, which is a lot more than a lot of people mind you, is that she's a green-warden newblood. Hmm… oh yea she and Cal, sorry Tiberias…", she adds as she sees my face cringe. "…started talking and hanging out more when you left, which is strange but whatever. And I guess they train together a lot, but she doesn't really attend meetings alot. She's only there like half the time."

My heart twitches when she mentions the training. That was _our_ thing_. _

"Interesting. What does she look like", Tyton, of all people asks.

"Why do you ask?" Evangeline asks, smirking.

"Just trying to put a face the picture"

"Well then, she has white platinum hair, but like not grandma style, and obviously not as good as mine". I smirk. Well then, a copy of Evangeline. How wonderful.

"Green eyes, about 5'3, she basically looks like every other type of girl there is, I guess", she finishes. Makes sense. At least I'm taller than her. Only about like 1 inch, but still. Part of me wants to know how she compares to me. From what I've heard so far we can't be farther apart on the spectrum. I force a look at my brown hair that drags down to freshly dies purple tips where the gray used to reside. I can't help but just wonder. Wonder is _he _misses me. Or if he's actually happy. Or even in love. How can I let myself leave without knowing for sure? I can't turn my back forever without seeing what I'm leaving. My heart rips at the thought. The unknown has always scared me but this doesn't. I know I'm lying to myself but how can I not. How can I not prepare myself for the inevitable? How can I not expect that the worst is coming? Yet, I just can't stay away. Even though I try, I can't. I don't know what it is that makes me finally put it out in the open of my thoughts that this is the reason why I'm going back. I just can't stay behind and living in my own fantasy. I need to know if he's happy, or if he's given up. Or just… done.

I think Tyton can sense that I'm stressing based on the flashes of purple shining through my veins every so often. He puts him hand in mine and I almost jump at the touch. But, it turns out to be comforting as I hear the hum of the plane and feel my center of gravity change as we lift upwards.

**Cal POV:**

I watch the fading rays of sunlight start to disappear as the sun goes down behind the mountains. Now that I have the quiet time to myself in my bedroom alone, I think I realize that I might have made a mistake. Why did I invite her back? This whole time I've been happy and my life has finally started to quiet down, but for some reason I want to turn this whole thing around. But, I've already made my decision and there's nothing to do except wait.

The only things I can concentrate are the questions that still make me wonder. _Is she still the same? Does she still remember everything? Does she know who Layla is?_

I let the ghost of a smirk appear on my face when I think about Layla. Maybe it's sadistic of me to want to know what Mare's reaction is going to be when she sees her, but I want to know if she still has an opinion on me. I know that I hurt her, but I want her to remember that she hurt me too. Deeply. Maybe using Layla to warrant her emotions is cruel, but it's the only thing that's keeping me sane right now. Other than Layla herself. She's been the most supportive of my decisions and feelings and it makes me feel like I'm actually being levelheaded. But, she's busy preparing everything for tomorrow's party.

I visibly sigh as I reach for the glass of wine on my desk. Taking a long sip, you could say that I've developed a sort of a drinking problem ever since that time just a year ago. Not that anyone knows; I try to hide it. Can't let Layla know her fiancés a drunk. I let out a laugh at that in my thoughts. Where the fuck is life taking me these days.

But a knock at the door interrupts my thoughts.

"Yes?" I call out.

I keep my back turned, continuing to stare outside the window as I hear someone enter. "Ah, Your Majesty the guests have arrived."

At this, I shift myself to see one of my guards, Ryan. _Well, this is it Cal. Time to face it. _

"Thank you", I say in the most King-like manner that I've been taught to have for my past lifetime.

I tell Ryan not to follow, as I make my way down the staircase to the grand entrance hall. The walk only makes it feel more real. At least I can see her without Layla first. Layla would still be preparing, as she told me, but I know it's just because she doesn't want to see Mare just yet. I can't blame her. I feel the same, and if wishes came true, I would wish that I could just turn my back and hide somewhere where she can't find me. _But it's too late for that Cal. You made this decision, now live with it. _

Too soon, I find myself already at the front doors waiting for them to open. I signal for the guards standing at the side that they can let them in. I slowly take a deep breath in, as I prepare myself for what's going to appear before me, or rather _who _I'm about to see. It's all that I have in me not to run. _Since when haven't you been a fighter Cal. It's someone else who always flees. _I try not to close my eyes as my _guests _appear before me. The doors open and my eyes land on the first person I can see which happens to be Evangeline. She smiles, but I can't reciprocate it. But, it's not her that takes up all my attention. It's the brown-haired girl next to her. _Mare. _And she brought a guest. Tyton. My stomach does flips and I think I might throw up as I notice their hands intertwined and the fact that she doesn't meet my gaze.

I mentally curse. _What have you done Calore._

**A/N - **Okay, so while I was in Europe I came up with a lot of new ideas for both this story and AHS, and a new story that I'm excited to write. I know having 3 ongoing stories isn't the best idea ever but I'm just going to write and try to keep them all updated as frequently as possible. My new story idea should be out soon, but besides that I'm going to try to update AHS as well, even though I'm kind of stuck on some parts of that story. So, if anyone wants to PM me some ideas for that, it would be much appreciated. Other than that, I hope you guys enjoyed this and the next chapter is going to be when Mare finally meets Layla so we'll see how that goes. I'll just try to start with updating everything now.

As always, please review with your thoughts, it really motivates me and makes my day!

Love you guys!

-Katelyn


	5. Her

**Chapter 5: Her**

**A/N: **Hey guys! Welcome back to another chapter. First off, I would just like to apologize for my late uploads. I've been doing a lot of writing for other projects recently, and sometimes I feel like taking a break from it. Other than that I would also like to address the fast paced-ness of this chapter, as I was kind of in a rush to complete it as it is 1:42am in the morning right now. I'll continue to say more at the end of this chapter. Other than that I hope you enjoy!

**Cal POV:**

She looks exactly the same. Mare, that is. The only thing that's changed is the ends of her hair; purple instead of gray. But, other than that she looks just like she did a year ago. Maybe, physically stronger but I assume that's just from training. I think I've been staring too long because Evangeline interrupts my thoughts with a very loud and exaggerated cough. _Classic Samos tendencies._

"Uhm, yes. Welcome to the castle, I've arranged rooms for all of you are welcome to rest at your leisure before the dinner tonight." I awkwardly say as I lead them all into the castle. It feels strange that for someone who I used to be so close to, we can't even bare to look at each other. But at the same time my heart almost skips a beat when I remember exactly the last time I did see her. No good memories to say the least.

"I assume that you all know where everything in the castle is, and if you need any help or accommodations, please ask the servants or myself. Alyssa, will show you where your rooms are", I continue to say, pointing her out. Oddly enough, I feel proud that I know her name. Just last week I made it my best efforts to get to know every single person who worked under me. It was fitting seeing as they take care of my own home.

Stealing another glance at Mare, I notice that she has her blank expression plastered on. Even in front of me. _What did you think Cal? Everything would go back to the way it used to be?_

Tyton follows her as they make their way up the staircases and into the west wing of the castle. I knew she was bringing a guest, but him? _It's none of your business what she does anymore, Calore. Stop thinking about it._

Again, Evangeline breaks my thoughts.

"So? What do you think. I brought her along as promised" she grinned.

I smirk. Of course. "Nice of her to bring a friend isn't it"

"Obviously you wouldn't have a problem with Tyton being with Mare would you", she says, seriously.

"Why would I?" I say. But the heat that slowly pulses out betrays my real thoughts.

_I really do need to work on that._

Now it's Evangeline's time to have her laugh. "Thought so. But you know, where's your soon to be wife? Shouldn't she be here?"

"Oh, yeah. She's busy preparing and doing other important stuff"

At this, she scoffs. "You know, just telling you I always thought Mare would've made the better queen anyways", she tells me before flicking her hair, and starts walking off to another hallway, probably to find Elane hidden somewhere in the castle.

I sigh. _Well, she's not wrong._ But not in the way Evangeline's thinking. Layla's never really had a passion for ruling or making laws. And maybe that's the way it should be. I've had enough of mixing my crown with relationships for a lifetime. Still, I can't help but wonder what could've been with Mare at my side. _It always comes back to her, doesn't it?_

**Mare POV:**

Well, this place pretty much seems like the same mess as when I left it. And fucking awkward to say the least. I mean I could tell he was staring at me but I just couldn't bring myself to look back at him. Maybe it's for the best. We just aren't meant to be, and we never will be.

And the fact that Tyton was right next to me and when he put his hand in mine made it impossible for me to recognize that he was there. But he's already left to his own room which is a floor below mine.

A least the rooms he gave us aren't bad. Actually, it might be more extravagant than I remember any of them looking during my short-lived stays. This time, I'm given a spacious area with floor to ceiling windows that overlook the west mountains. It's actually beautiful. The bed is luxurious as always, and the white walls make it seem clean and fresh.

"Well, well look who's already settling in", I hear from someone at the door. I turn around to see Evangeline, and of course she has Elane on her arm.

"Yes, yes what do you want to do to bother me today Eve", I grumble.

"Don't be sad Barrow, we're only here to see that you are going to make a grand appearance at tonight's dinner party". She almost laughs.

I almost want to roll my eyes, but then I stop to think of how great it would be to make a show stopping entrance. I can't help my emotions. But, I hate it when Evangeline's right, so I grimace instead. She knows me well enough to understand that it's a sign of submission, and I swear I see Elane beam with a grin.

I can only shake my head.

For the next couple hours, they spend their time trying to make me look presentable. Well, mostly Elane. Evangeline just lounges around on _my_ bed and molds her rings into random shapes. I never knew that there we're so many things you could do to make someone look better. It reminds me when I had to be painted over with white paste as Mareena. But, now Elane matches my skin tone to something she calls foundation on, which magically blends over every single blemish on my face I didn't know existed. Instead of focusing on my makeover, I take this time to dream up every possible scenario of what's going to happen tonight. Just fantasizing about shocking everyone at tonight's party with my new appearance makes me want to either throw up or blow up with excitement. I can't really decide.

I almost want to scream with frustration when I find out that after applying dozens of products on my face and brushing the knots out of my hair _multiple _times, that we're still not done.

"Calm down Mare, this is supposed to be the fun part", Elane sighs.

I frown as I look around at the room, seeing nothing remotely exciting. "And what exactly is this part"?

"Isn't it obvious Mare?", Evangeline says, exasperatedly. "We can't exactly have you going to a party with everyone who's anyone in the kingdom in your rags, can we?"

I'm about to retort to her, but decide I should just let it go. I mean, she's right. There isn't really an opportunity for shopping back in Montfort.

Elane begins to pull multiple dresses out of my closet, which I grimace at. _How constricting_. But, them being the most stubborn and incessant couple, they made me pick one. So, of course I choose a purple dress with a tight bodice and flowing skirt. If I'm being honest, it was actually really pretty. It sparkled with a flare under the lights, and it was breathtaking to look at. Why not use this opportunity to remind people who exactly I am. It's always exciting to take this opportunity to channel my inner "little lightning girl", even if she never really existed.

Elane and Evangeline help me in the dress and fix up my hair by curling it into long flowing waves, and fit me into silver strappy stiletto heels to match my dress. _Great. Looks like I'm going to be tripping over everything all night._

"Okay, time for jewelry!", Evangeline told me.

She starts by placing necklaces, rings, and bracelets on me, that I don't necessarily care for, but it reminds me of something else I have yet to put on.

After all of their work is done, I ushered them out, thanked them for their hard work, and told them that they needed time to get ready too. _Only 1 hour left._

Slowly, I shuffle through my backpack to find what I'm looking for. Reaching in the front pocket, I place my eyes upon it, and pull out a shiny red gem. _If this is a time for new beginnings, then this is the place to start._

Walking over to the spacious bathroom, I take the sharp back of the earring and punch it through my left earlobe. This one doesn't need to be kept with the others. The others bring good memories, and times of happiness. This one is immensely different. And the satisfying sting that comes with it, also brought splotches of red blood brings me back to reality. Leaning back, I smile, satisfied. _It's going to take more than 1 tireless fire prince to bring me down tonight._

But before I know it, it's time for the party. I shut the lights in my room off with no effort, and I start to exit my room. I'm already 10 minutes late, but that's the plan. I have no idea what's gotten into me, but for some reason I just want to be noticed. Walking down the staircases to the grand ballroom, I'm starting to question my decision. _Who am I? Why am I doing this? Why did I think this was going to be a good idea? _But, it's too late to back out now. The only thing that makes this worse is that I chose the entrance where there's a grand entryway, and everyone can see you. _You're an idiot, Mare._

Sucking in a deep breath, I pull back the curtains that separate the hallway from the ballroom, and enter.

_Holy fucking shit. What was I thinking._

Everyone, and literally everyone was staring. Part of me wants to flush out all of the lights in this whole damn palace, and my other conscience reminds me that that would quite literally be the worst decision I could ever make and also the fact that it wouldn't do anything because of the fucking candles that illuminate this stupid room.

_Well Mare, just get it over with._

Slowly I take steps forward, down the stairs. Step by step. Unconsciously I scan the room looking for _him. _And It's not very hard for me to see him. I could find him anywhere in the world. He's not exactly hard to miss either, in his dress suit and crown. He's in the corner, talking to other nobles I don't care for.

This time I look at him straight in the eye. And he stares back. Mouth slightly open in shock. I smirk. This is exactly what I needed.

With this, I give my most confident walk down the staircases, all the way to the bottom. If anyone has anything to say about me, they don't express it, and at least give me the courtesy turning back around to their own business.

Except Tyton. He comes right towards me. He's wearing a plan black suit with a silver-white tie to match his hair.

"You okay?" he asks.

"I'm fine", I say, almost rolling my eyes. He doesn't need to know about anything. Yet.

But it's exactly this moment that I hear a song play.

"Are you going to invite me to dance", I smile.

"Of course. May I have this dance my lady?" he grins.

I place my hand into his, and he leads us into a dance around the ballroom. It brings me back to my late-night dance lessons, with _Tiberias. _But this only reminds me that I have yet to see this fiancé of his. The thought makes me want to blow up. But I won't let my emotions betray me tonight.

That might be hard though. Especially when the dance ends, and I'm shoved a glass of alcohol from one of the servers. I quickly down it. And the next 2. I'll need all the liquid courage I can get.

Because it isn't long before the bell rings, signaling that it's time for the dinner ceremony. Tyton disappears into the crowd, and I stay behind for a moment almost confused. That is, until Evangeline finds me.

"Mare come on you're so slow", she says exasperated as she grabs my hand and drags me.

With alcohol already dimming my reflexes, it takes me a moment before I start to willingly follow her into the grand dining hall. Here, there is what has to be the longest table I have ever seen filled with silverware for every guest.

Eve pulls me into a chair next to her and Elane, and I have no complaints when I see a full glass of deep red wine in front of me. But I take small sips, instead of downing it. I almost blank out during the next couple of minutes when the room is filled with chatter. That is, until they begin to quiet down as they realize that the guests of honor are arriving in.

First, walks in _Tiberias, _regal as always. Instead of ignoring him as I would usually do, I watch. I keep my eyes on him as he enters and I see him glancing right back at me.

But in doing so I see his arms around another girl and, I see _her. _I see the person who ruined my life. The person I want to fucking kill. The one god damn bitch that deserves to rot in hell. The fucking whore _Tiberias _slept with. Thousands of emotions swirl in my head at this exact moment and the only thing I can think is: _WHAT THE FUCK._

I have never experienced pain like this. If pain is being stabbed, this is 100 times worse. This is anger. This is betrayal. This is heartbreak.

**A/N: **I hope you guys enjoyed this newest installment of Love is Pain, Love is Bliss. This took me quite a while to write, but I have already started on Chapter 6. Next chapter will look more into Mare's reaction towards all of these situations, especially with her being drunk. I will also take the time to hopefully switch into someone else's POV soon (probably Cal's), but before that we're going to have to stick with Mare for a little while longer (sorry!). I'm also potentially trying to write a new fanfiction idea for Red Queen, but I haven't had the time to finish it yet, so we'll see how that turns out. Anyways, I truly did hope you like this new chapter, and this A/N is going all over the place, so I'm going to end this here.

**As always, please review! It makes me more motivated to write, and it will make me write faster!**

Love you guys,

Katelyn


	6. You Don't Care

**Chapter 6:**

**A/N: **Hey guys! Welcome back! I know I haven't been active for a while again, but I'm trying to get better at it. This new chapter hopefully isn't a let down because honestly there were so many ways to go with it, and even I thought that it was hard to choose, but I just wrote whatever flowed. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy! (More Notes below)

**Mare POV:**

I can't help but stare at her face. That face that ruined me the from the moment I saw it till now in this moment. No one around me has moved or made any noise as my world focuses inward onto the two of them. I'm distinctly aware when my face flushes with a redness I know has nothing to do with the drastically alarming amounts of alcohol I already consumed, but I can't bring myself to care. Not now, and not ever. And gods damn me, does it hurt. It hurts so fucking bad I think I might die. It hurts when I watch as he pulls out a chair for her to sit on his right. I watch as she grins up at him while he does the same at her. At her and stupidly perfect face and dress. And I can't help but fantasize about what consequences would ensue if I stab her with my dull ass butter knife currently tempting me on the space beside my plate. But I think better of it. There are many different ways I could make this night worth my suffering. Quite a few I can think of from the top of my head, in fact. This is just the beginning. Because at the end of the night I won't be the only one brooding and steaming with frustration and anger.

Glaring daggers at my plate, I remember just who exactly sits next to me. Tyton is placed on my left, but the person who started this mess sits on my right; Evangeline. Conversation is just tuning down and is almost nonexistent, and I won't dare to bring more attention on myself than what I can already sense is the whole room's attention. I can feel the eyes on me without even having to look up and I'm tempted to sit straighter and flip them all off, but again I keep myself in check. So instead, I shove the side of my leg into Evangeline's. Hard. She doesn't so much as grimace from pain as if she expected my particular jab. Typical. But I just roll my eyes, and instead sit up straighter when the servants arrive with our appetizer. Some sort of chicken dish garnished with greenery to be exact. I glance at the particular Red who is carefully placing my dish in front me. Her emerald green eyes stare down at me when I shift slightly in my seat to take a closer look, she only lets out a slip of upturned lips at me before backing away once my plate is elegantly maneuvered in its right place.

"All paid generously and treated fairly", says a voice I knew all too well, from a few seats away.

I think my heart physically breaks at the sound of those words. Or rather, the voice behind them.

"That's nice". I didn't think that I could even talk right back to him in this moment, but somehow my mouth begins moving and words start tumbling out. "Seems like some things change even if some people haven't".

I could have sworn Evangeline snorted into her glass of wine right beside me.

And it must be the liquid courage beckoning me to stand tall because I shift my eyes up and towards my right. And there he is, staring right back at me. The harsh lines of his face completely at odds with the warm gaze held in those ever-familiar golden eyes. But his expression changes almost in an instance. He must notice the defiant gleam in my own eyes before I watch the muscle in his jaw twitch and his gaze turn into something harder.

My face flushes deeper before I divert my gaze and completely down my almost empty glass of wine. It's almost as if I want him to challenge me; to feel the thrill of butting heads with someone I used to know so deeply. But I just sat back and I watch as his _fiancé _places a hand on his arm, as if she alone could soothe him. Every part of me wanted to scream at that touch. It feels wrong. It looks wrong. Because maybe, in some place I don't want to admit is inside myself, I want so badly for that to be me. I should be the one next to him, exchanging small glances here and there and having wordless conversations over things that only we could understand.

But I can't do anything about it. All I can do is stare at my dish and pretend like I don't want to throw up. And then I hear her voice.

"Today, I think everyone knows by now, is to celebrate our engagement, but I don't want that to be the focus. This event should be about all of us, and how we can all be together. All of you are dear friends of Cal's, and by extension, mine. I just hope you all have a good time celebrating with us". She says before looking up expectantly at Tiberias standing next to her.

This is definitely the part where I should listen to my brain and walk out. But I can't.

"Yes, I agree with everything Layla said. This is a new age of happiness and love, and everyone should be able to have a piece of it. On behalf of both of us, I would like to wish you all the best and we hope you enjoy the night as much as we will."

And then he glances at me. Brief, but I catch it. His golden eyes look solemnly at me before he kisses her right in front of me. It may be a short sweet kiss, but it breaks me even more.

I feel Tyton place a comforting hand on my knee to remind me that someone is with me. But I can't think about that small action now.

Because I hate her. I hate Layla or whatever her name is. And just as I'm feeling this rush of emotion I can feel the tears coming to life. The kind I know are going to be ugly sobs of despair. So, before I can even think of anything else with common sense, I stand up and walk out. Out of this stupid fucking room and the new couple in the spotlight.

**Cal POV:**

I watch her rush of the room before I stand.

"Cal, where are you going?" I hear as someone puts a hand on my arm. _Layla._

_I need to talk to her_, I want to say. But I can't.

"I'm going to make sure she doesn't do anything foolish", is what I end up blurting out before moving her hand off mine and walking across the room to follow Mare.

"Feel free to go on without me", I say when I can feel everyone's eyes trailing me. But I can only lock eyes with one person. Evangeline.

But all she does is glare at me. And I glare right back. Fire meets steel when she narrows her eyes as if silently telling me to not mess any shit up. Like I need reminding of the past.

Before long I push past the doors at the back of the dining hall and stand clueless in the entrance hall. _Where the fuck could she be?_

There're a few places I can think of, but only one of them sticks out to me. I break into a run and find the place I'm looking for. The room I'm going to is on the west wing of the palace, almost the opposite of where I am now. But before long I arrive at the oak doors push them open. I almost feel like collapsing at the sight before my eyes.

Because before me, Mare sits in the far corner of the side ballroom. The ballroom where we had our first kiss. Where I danced with her throughout the night and pretended that she was mine and no one else's. Where I was just Cal and she was just Mare. Her eye-catching purple dress is now draped over her legs and pools in bunches at the floor. And as my gaze travels to her face, I realize that she's crying. But what hurts even more is the fact that she still doesn't meet my eyes.

I start walking towards her and emphasize my footsteps, at a pace slow enough that she knows I'm coming. And when I get to her, I can't help but slump down next to her on the ground. Screw my freshly ironed shirt and suit.

"What do you want" she says. But, despite the fire I can see in her eyes, her words turn out subdued and weak, even.

"I want you to look at me", is all I can think to say.

And she does. She stares at me with her red-rimmed, grief-stricken eyes with a plastered blank expression on her face.

"Is this what you want from me?" she angrily shouts, her hair falling out of her strategically placed pins. "You wanted me back here just so I could relive the worst day of my life? To see you with- with HER? Do you even realize what you did? Do you even care? Did you give one second worth's thought to how I would feel?"

I don't have a reply to those words. Because honestly, I don't know the answers to them. I don't have a reason why I wanted Mare here. Part of me just wanted to know how she was doing and what she thought about me. It's odd to see how her opinion still matters so much to me.

"So again _Tiberias_, why are you here? Or better yet, why am I here?" she says, breaking me out of my trance as I'm moved back to reality staring eye to eye at her.

And it's the way she still calls me by that name that makes me break. Common Sense is blown out the window when I can't control myself. Especially around her.

"Because I- I need you" I whisper. But I don't what to hear what she has to say. Once she does, this dream becomes a nightmare. So, all I can do is move forward and capture my lips with hers into a kiss. Her lips part and I take that as an invitation, but then she stops and moves back.

"_Tiberias" _she sighs. "We can't do this. Not now, not ever. You're someone else's. You can't kiss me like that when you just did the same to someone else who isn't me"

"No." I can't help but say. "Don't even pretend for a second that it's the same. And don't call me that".

"Cal-" she starts, but again around her I can never keep myself in check because besides although I'd like to not admit it, I've been dreaming about the day I would see her again and how she would say my name in the way that I knew only she would ever be able to understand me.

So instead I move forward, my hand on the side of her face, and kiss her again.

But I eventually realize it was the wrong move when I'm met with a hand on my cheek and a hard impact. _Mare._

"You fucking idiot!" she yells, rising to her feet. "Didn't you hear what I said? You can't talk to me, or touch me, or act like everything's back to the way it was because it isn't. And it's your own goddamn fault. Not mine. Everything that you might regret about us right now is your problem. You caused this. And I don't even know why you want me here if you say you care about me because this is the one place I never wanted to come back to. So, I'm going to say this once. Get out of my life because I sure as hell don't want you in it."

And then she storms out. Leaving me on the ground stunned with a burning, stinging sensation on my face. _Shit. What did I just do._

**A/N: **Okay so now that I'm back writing, I was thinking about starting a Tumblr or something where I could write more and interact with more people. I mainly just wanted to write some prompts and such but I don't really know so let me know if this is something I should do. Other than that, I really do hope you enjoyed this chapter, because the next one is definitely in the works right now and there's for sure going to be some tension (yay). Also, thank you for all the nice reviews since I started this story, it really does light up my day reading them.

**As always, please review with your thoughts as it motivates me and encourages me to write faster!**

Love you all,

Katelyn


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